Iain Pattison

author

humorist

chocoholic

- but not necessarily in that order

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A bitingly funny look at the mad, mayhem world of the wannabe monster hunter.

Forget the lure of TV baking shows, strip Monopoly and flinging snails over next door's fence, we know what you secretly yearn to do after dark - and that's get out your hammer and stake and go vampire hunting. And be reassured - you're not alone. For millions of like-minded souls, fighting a fanged foe is our number one hidden desire.

Until now it's been difficult to get a solid grounding in the art of the slayer; to find the information and specialist training necessary to make this dream a full-time career. But those sorry days are over. With just this amazing new Instruction manual, a few weeks practice and an understanding local police department, you can turn yourself from a bashful to a Buffy, and banish batty bad guys forever.

Success, fame and riches are guaranteed with this must-have go-get-em guidebook, but be warned - the publishers cannot accept responsibility for any injuries or increase in family size sustained while accepting the grateful thanks of nubile members of your local community. Always use protection - both when hunting and celebrating afterwards.

Laugh-out-loud stories packed with gags, groans and great fun characters.

If you love sit-coms, sketch shows and quick-fire humour, then these rib tickling tales by humorist Iain Pattison are guaranteed to have you in stitches. Ideal for reading on the train, over coffee or as a bedtime treat, each is a bite-sized chuckle bomb that'll brighten even your greyest day.

In this Quintessentially Quirky collection of Iain's best offbeat stories, encounter:

•A horror writer who extracts a fitting revenge on her unsympathetic publisher

•A mix-up with a giant statue that has the Dalai Lama hopping mad

•A kidnapped woman held hostage in a busy Heathrow departure lounge

•The Horsemen of The Apocalypse facing a scathing performance review

•Willy Wonka turning to desperate measures to rescue his chocolate factory from recession

Plus tinsel-loving Scrooge haunted by ghosts who want him to despise Christmas.

From the unconventional and teasing to the downright surreal, this compilation of madly mirthful satirical delights is packed with word play, wit and unexpectedly silly send-ups.

And an extra treat:

We were going to include a documentary on the making of Fiddle of the Sphinx, but luckily for everyone we relented. Instead, we're delighted to feature a guest story by one of Iain's favourite authors, Glynis Scrivens, who reveals what happens when a bored housewife's tapestry of her town takes on a life of its own in Connie's Project.

Laugh-out-loud stories packed with gags, groans and great fun characters.

Enter the weird and wonderfully witty world of award-winning humorist Iain Pattison, and delight to these feel-good tales of madness and mayhem, each story a coffee-break delight guaranteed to banish the blues.

In this second Quintessentially Quirky collection of Iain's offbeat satires, you'll find a bus driver who emerges from a coma to find he can speak every language on the planet, a hideous man who thinks facing a firing squad will make him a babe-magnet, a disgruntled wife scheming to sacrifice her husband to a slavering zombie horde, and Little Red Riding Hood finding out that murderous grandma is more than a match for any wolf.

From the droll and slapstick to the surreal and silly, this fun compilation is guaranteed to make you smile - and demonstrates why Iain is acknowledged as a master of comedy's wickedly witty and unexpected.

And an extra treat:

We don't think movie DVDs should have the monopoly in offering bonus features, so we're delighted to include a guest story by one of Iain's favourite authors, Chloe Banks, who investigates what happens when the earth runs out of miracles in The Missing Signs and Wonders.

Laugh-out-loud stories packed with gags, groans and great fun characters.

From the downright slapstick to the deliciously droll, this latest instalment in the Quintessentially Quirky Tales series is guaranteed to make you chuckle. With sharp-edged satire, silly send-ups and rib-tickling pastiches, this feast of fun from internationally-acclaimed humorist Iain Pattison will whisk you to a land where vampire supermodels rub shoulders with Atlantis searching scientists, and ancient singing trees co-exist with serial killer grannies.

Venture into Iain's colourful and off-beat imagination and you'll encounter:

Packed with laughter, unexpected twists and more than the occasional groan-inducing pun, these surreal stories are a must if you love sit-coms, sketch shows and the long lamented Carry On Films.

PLUS AN EXTRA TREAT…

And as if that isn't enough, this collection of quirky gems features a bonus guest tale from popular short story writer Sally Jenkins. In "Growing Out of Burgers" she charts what happens when an exchange student's trip to France goes awry after his host family's alluring mother appears to want more than an Entente Cordiale!

Laugh-out-loud stories packed with gags, groans and great fun characters.

In this 4th off-beat collection of comedy mayhem and mirth by award-winning humorist Iain Pattison, you'll encounter:

From the droll and slapstick to the surreal and silly, this fun compilation is guaranteed to make you chuckle if you love Carry On Films, sketch shows, hysterical history and freaky fables.

And an extra treat:

We're delighted to include a guest story by one of Iain's favourite authors, Alison Lock. In The Mission she charts the miraculous mishaps that befall a man with a fear of heights who floats into the sky tethered to 900 party balloons!

Laugh-out-loud stories packed with gags, groans and great fun characters.

From the off-beat and colourful imagination of internationally-acclaimed humorist Iain Pattison, this fifth instalment in the rib-tickling Quintessentially Quirky Tales comedy series is guaranteed to put a big smile on your face.

In his latest collection of sharp-edged satire, silly send-ups and chuckle-filled pastiches, you’ll be transported to a crazy world where an ancient wall-building “Make China Great Again” Emperor shares a surreal landscape with a monkey-plagued playwright, and a bumbling biblical family who want to turn the great flood into a crackpot business venture...

Other delights include:

Packed with laughter, unexpected twists and more than the occasional sigh-inducing pun, these slapstick stories are a must if you love sit-coms, sketch shows and the long lamented Carry On Films.

PLUS AN EXTRA TREAT…

And as if that isn't enough, this collection of quirky gems features a bonus guest tale from master of the droll, David W Robinson. In "Boo" he demonstrates that when it comes to haunting, some gormless ghouls don’t have the ghost of a chance!

Laugh-out-loud stories guaranteed to have you in stitches!

Thrilled readers have described Iain Pattison’s Quintessentially Quirky Tales series as “hugely enjoyable”, “clever and punny” and “a comedic tour de farce”.  Now you can enjoy  three volumes of the international humorist’s most off-beat and wry stories in one super bumper bundle.  

Enter Iain’s fantastical world of pastiches, droll send-ups and magical mayhem where singing trees co-exist with serial killer grannies, and vampires sit job interviews while fairytale figures battle to block new motorways.

In this box set of his sharpest stories, you’ll encounter:

And a host of other hilarious and colourful characters.

Treat yourself to a barrelful of laughs. Buy this collection of wickedly whimsical tales today to learn why Iain is acknowledged as a master of the hilarious twist-ender.

What Amazon reviewers said about the Quintessentially Quirky comedy series

“Fantastic storytelling in every sense of the word”

“I laughed myself silly”

“Good, distracting, entertaining read”

“A great collection from a master of the twist ending”

“This is a laugh (possible groan) out loud selection of funny stories”

“Cuddly, off-centre funny, well created short stories”